I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
There's always time for handjobs
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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