OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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