im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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