I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Farmville is her only friend.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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