he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
