it wasn't lemon gatorade
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
