Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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