What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
