I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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