this beer tastes like vomit already
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
