I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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