I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
