No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize
