My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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