So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
