So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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