drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Randomize
