alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
