I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
