Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
