You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
