you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
