I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
We named our party play list daddy issues
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
