she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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