the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
