I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
