Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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