I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
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for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
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Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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