Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
