I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
