I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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