I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Less talking, more tequila
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
