we're blogging at a bar
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
