Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
