TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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