am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
