Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
