So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
