I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
