I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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