I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Randomize
