oh god the rape fog is back!
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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