i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I have fence marks all over my body
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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