Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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