i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
