just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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