I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
