id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
