Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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