Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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