If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
