I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Randomize
