I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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