i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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