Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
