Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
