tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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