Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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