Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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