So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
