Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
