you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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