I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Screwed.edu
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
