i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
