She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
