"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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