This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
