i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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