Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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