remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
