we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
