Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
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After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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