is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
