i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
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Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
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I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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