Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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