How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cock deserves a montage
Of course I have a pirate flag
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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