So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
